Dear Jennifer: I have a fear of doors

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

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When not thinking or writing about doors, Jennifer Kennedy likes to ride around the pasture on her horse, Door.

Dear Jennifer: I have a fear of doors

Ask A Specialist...about doors

In our "Ask A Specialist" column, readers from all over write in to ask our featured advice columnist pressing questions about a very specialized field. Whether they hope to resolve a dilemma or find a way out of their quandaries and quagmires, they get their answers here. Today we are proud to feature Jennifer Kennedy, a South Beach, Florida, resident specializing in doors.

Dear Jennifer,

I have a total crush on this guy, Seth, and I was at a party at his house last weekend. At one point, I walked out onto the patio to get a drink. I thought I had left the sliding door open, but when I tried to walk back into the living room, I ran -- smack! --into the glass door. I saw stars and staggered back, spilling half of my drink. Seth saw it all, and I think he was trying hard not to laugh. Now I’m worried that he thinks I’m a freak. Should I pursue this guy any further?

-Slammed and Confused
Peoria, AZ

Dear Slammed,

Walking straight into a plate glass door doesn’t automatically make you a freak. However, it appears that you have a textbook case of impact-induced door anxiety. Don’t worry...IIDA doesn’t last forever (less than 40 years, in most cases). In the meantime, if you and Seth end up together, he’ll just have to swallow hard and accept the fact that you’re the kind of person who could, quite literally, walk into a door at any moment.

Dear Jennifer,

My family has a kitchen table that was made out of an old hospital room door. We all gather ‘round it every night for dinner. Do you think that’s creepy?

-Kevin Sanford
Salem, OR

Dear Kevin,

Yes.

Dear Jennifer,

On any given day at work, I walk through a lot of doors. There’s a door to get into the building, a door to the elevator, a door to our office suite, and a door to my office. When I go to meetings, I walk through doors. When I get a cup of coffee, I walk through a door. When I have to pee, I walk through the bathroom door only to walk through the stall door. I have to walk through a door to do everything but pick my nose. So at the end of the day, I am so flipping sick of doors, I can hardly stand up. Is there anything I can do to reduce my daily door usage?

-Sandra Wright
Milpitas, CA

Dear Sandra,

I sympathize with your plight, yet I cannot fully identify with your feelings of despair and hopelessness over doors. Being a door specialist, you see, I never get sick of doors. Fortunately for me, and unfortunately for you, doors are a part of everyday life, and if you find yourself unable to cope with them, keep in mind that the doors in your life can always be unscrewed from their hinges.

© 2008 The Teaspoon Times

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