Quantum poll finds 0%, 100% of nation voting for Obama

Thursday, March 11, 2010

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Illinois senator Barack Obama, who is expected to take the election in a landslide, as well as lose horribly.

Quantum poll finds 0%, 100% of nation voting for Obama

by John Johnson, staff reporter

ATLANTA, GA -- Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama is now leading Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama by 100 points, according to a CNN quantum poll of the entire country.

The poll, the first of its kind, was conducted by phone and the results fed into a quantum computer for analysis. “When we looked at the computer's report, we found that 100% of the nation is voting for Obama,” said Ron Shoemaker, head of the quantum polling team. “But at the same time, 0% of the nation is also voting for Obama. The bottom line here is that watching Obama concede to Obama is something we have to be prepared for come November 4.”

Although the poll’s findings may seem strange at first, such is the paradox of quantum theory, which posits that a given event will produce every possible outcome simultaneously. For example, last year a quantum computer at the University of Michigan found that men are from both Mars and Venus, an idea those in the psychology field were initially reluctant to accept, until one of the fraternities at the university pointed out that “we could have some pretty sick parties on [a co-ed planet], dude.”

The polling team’s own feelings about the election results were mixed. "Being an Obama supporter, I guess this is good and bad," Shoemaker said. “We do predict that Obama will win and lose in a landslide. Unfortunately, since so many people are confused by the results, this will be the first and last time we do a quantum poll.”

Meanwhile, Arizona senator John McCain is said to be lagging in the race, as exactly 0% of the nation supports him, saying at the same time they fully support John McCain.

© 2008 The Teaspoon Times

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