ATLANTA, GA—Doctors at St. Joseph’s Hospital in Atlanta announced today they have successfully delivered a baby girl, who through a slight genetic modification and intense prenatal conditioning, was born with 1 digg. At 7:45 this morning, Priscilla Lorraine Lemontree, daughter of Julian and Stacey Lemontree, was placed in the hospital’s third-floor Upcoming infants room.

“One of the nurses saw her lying there in the Upcoming room and told us what an adorable little girl she was,” said the father, Julian Lemontree. “I said thank you to the nurse, but inside I was thinking, ‘Bam! That’s 2 diggs!’”

While starting life with 1 digg is not necessarily an indication of success down the road, having 1 digg is better than having zero—a sentiment echoed by Julian Lemontree. “Actually, we credit Kevin [Rose] with designing his website to start everyone off with 1 digg instead of none,” he said.

Rose, 31, the genius internet entrepreneur who founded Digg.com, a website that allows its members to vote for (or “digg”) the stories they want to see on the home page, said that it is important in today’s world for newborns to be immediately indoctrinated into the social networking aspects of the World Wide Web.

“It’s never too early,” said Rose. “Most kids nowadays can use the internet by the age of three, and 90% of five-year-olds have e-mail addresses. Why not let them be part of the Digg community right out of the womb? The internet is a brutal place. Let’s give them the tools they need. And 1 digg to start out with.”

Chuckling, Rose continued: “It reminds me of the old joke where the baby pops out wearing glasses, and holding a computer mouse, and says, ‘E-mail me, hon.’ It’s funny. I think the kid is also holding a glass of wine. Doesn’t matter—the point is, this could probably happen now.”

Some tricky social issues, such as popularity in school, could become less complex in the near future. Popularity, long thought to be a function of how loose one’s morals were, or how many sports one played, will be much easier to measure when the Digg babies reach high school age. Of course, there will always be loners and the socially awkward who have gone their entire lives and only amassed a handful of diggs, but most agree that becoming the star quarterback or head cheerleader will likely require hundreds, if not thousands, of diggs. For this reason, internet experts and psychologists alike say the optimal time to start being dugg is at birth.

Another real-life burden, the religious concept of original sin, could soon be made easier to bear. Christian religions maintain that ever since Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden, everyone is born already having sinned. “You’ll find that, instead of being born with original sin, more and more babies nowadays will be born with the original digg,” said Stephen Kroll, pastor at Sacred Heart of Mary in Decatur. “Although I admit, a digg could be a little more useful. And a digg, unlike a sin, actually makes you feel good about yourself.”

As the first infant to be born directly into the Digg community, Priscilla (and her parents) have most likely set a precedent that many others will follow. In fact, child care experts across the country have predicted that by 2012, all expectant mothers will be required by law to listen to Diggnation, the web-only video broadcast based on stories from the Digg website, once a week during the third trimester of their pregnancy, so that all incoming human life forms will naturally be born with 1 digg, and already be ensconced in the culture of the Digg community.

The Lemontrees wasted no time in expressing excitement over the future of their Digg daughter. “We’re going to a dinner party next month, and we plan to bring Priscilla,” said Stacey Lemontree. “They’re gonna go crazy over her. I’ll bet we walk out of there with 20 diggs.”

“OMG,” she added. “Is there a cute baby category on Digg? Because Priscilla would totally get promoted to the home page.”

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