WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an incident similar to one yesterday at a press conference in Baghdad in which an angry Iraqi reporter threw his shoes at President Bush and called him a “dog,” a hysterical journalist stood up this morning during a press conference in Washington, threw a dog at the president, and called him a “shoe.” The incident took place only hours after Bush returned to the U.S.

In Arab culture, dogs and shoe soles are considered dirty, and calling someone a dog is an expression of extreme contempt. But this morning’s culprit, Vladimus Pestimano, said that in his native country, dogs are considered almost royalty, and the act of throwing a dog indicates deep reverence. Likewise, shoes are exalted as precious instruments of personal transportation, and calling someone a shoe is actually a sign of affection.

Pestimano took everyone by surprise when he rose suddenly from his seat in the middle of the room, hurled a seven-pound Yorkshire terrier toward Bush, hitting him squarely in the face, then said, “Mr. President, to me you are a shoe. An old, gray, worn-in, Reebok cross-trainer.”

As security guards and Secret Service agents led him from the room, Pestimano insisted that he only had good things to say about the American president, especially with regard to his handling of the Iraq war. In his culture, said Pestimano, pre-emptive strikes against other nations are a means of expressing sympathy and admiration for those they are attacking, and starting wars based on dubious intelligence reports is seen as a shrewd move.

“I wanted to hail President Bush’s accomplishments, so I threw a dog at him,” Pestimano said from his jail cell. “In my country, that is the sincerest form of flattery, even more so than imitation. And so is being called a shoe.”

The terrier, whose name is Tang, was not harmed. Asked for his take on the situation, Tang simply replied, “Arf.”

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