DALLAS, TX – A 15x12x10 FedEx box, containing a three-pack of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, two cans of Coca Cola Classic and a family photograph, recently spoke out about its upcoming trip to Europe, describing itself as “crazy excited” about the journey.

Intended as a care package for Dallas resident Stephanie Johnson’s eldest son who is on a year-long study abroad program, the FedEx parcel, one of over 52 million slated to be delivered to Europe this year by the cargo giant, could hardly contain itself as it rhapsodized about the details of its supposed vacation.

“Rome, here I come!” said the box, whose actual destination is London. “I can just imagine myself sitting right next to a window on one of those cool little propeller planes like you see in those old movies,” it continued, even though, by contrast, it will be crammed onto a pallet stacked twenty deep in Cargo Hold G of a FedEx Airbus A-310-200 widebody jet aircraft. “And stretching my legs on an exotic island somewhere when they stop to refuel,” the box said of the pilots, who, in reality, will be doing no such thing.

Despite never having traveled farther than the distance between Johnson's living room and kitchen, the package waxed enthusiastic about its imminent jet-setter status. “This is definitely the life for me--just dashing off to other continents on a moment’s notice. This beats everything,” it said, “including that time I went to Vegas.”

When pressed on that last dubious claim and on what a FedEx box might know about Las Vegas, the parcel expressed regret that, although it would love to stay and chat, had to “get home and start packing.”

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